Once again, another Memorial Day has passed, and another semester is coming to a close. It’s been a crazy and crummy ride at the box office from February to June. Out of the 284 movies that have come out this year, I was only able to see six, five of which I was able to do reviews on. What movie was so horrendous I wasn’t able to soil the pages of our beloved Examiner with its name? We’ll get to that later. For now, I’d like to do a recap of the flicks I caught and see if what I thought are in line with the mainstream reception, or if my opinions of the films have changed.
I suppose we should do this chronologically, so the first movie I got to review was Tron: Legacy. Good god, but I still hate this movie. I saw it twice, once in standard HD and once in 3D, they both sucked just as bad; imagine dog poop in different shades. Seriously, this is the perfect example of where the industry has gone in terms of re-hashing old franchises and crummy sequels: it’s all about marketability, not about doing the old film justice by remaking it for the 21st century, or rebooting an ancient franchise with a sequel. Tron: Legacy is perhaps one of the stupidest flicks I’ve ever sat through, and its awesome soundtrack couldn’t save it. How sad is it that I’d much rather listen to the movie than watch it?
The second movie I got to review was Rango. This film has diminished quite a bit. Unfortunately, it seems that most people were not interested in the film. It received mixed reviews from critics, but it was well received by the people. Personally, I still think it was one of the better films to be released this semester. I’m a big Depp fan and that hasn’t changed. I don’t think that this flick will be remembered except as “that movie where Johnny Depp voiced a chameleon,” but that’s good enough for me.
Third on my watch list was the oh-so entertaining Battle: Los Angeles. After careful consideration, I’ll admit that this movie is really, really stupid. But I still love it and it’s my favorite movie that has come out this past semester. It’s not even a guilty pleasure for me; I just get so happy seeing all the violent tactical gunplay. I can’t help it that I love guns and explosions! Maybe that makes me weird or maybe slightly mental, but in any case, I can sit through the horrible story and the bad acting because I’m just that entertained by it.
Now the movie that brought about what is probably my most infamous review: Source Code. Yeah, I still hate. In hindsight, however, I can see why so many people loved the movie: it’s gripping and insightful on the surface. Unfortunately, this surface is only a millimeter thick. I still love the cinematography and a good portion of the acting. I also still hate the characters, plot and the holes therein. Seriously, there’s more plot holes in this flick than Littlerock has pot holes.
Fast Five represented my first video review and it was low tech, but I think I got the message across just fine and squeezed in a little humor in . Be on the lookout for more of those next semester.
Fast Five, out of all the movies I saw this year this one left me feeling bored. I can’t describe it any better than ‘meh.’ One of the big problems I had with it is that it’s a franchise about street racing, yet there’s only two street races in the whole movie. They didn’t even have the decency to show both of them on screen!
Now, we finally come to it. The worst movie I saw during the semester is far, far worse than Tron: Legacy. I am speaking about Auschwitz, a film about the holocaust directed by none other than Uwe Boll. Mr. Boll is the new Ed Wood of Cinema – or I would, except Wood at least has a capacity for humor.
As I was saying, Auschwitz is about the infamous Nazi death camp that claimed the lives of more than 1.6 million men women and children. The movie is so horrible I couldn’t even finish it all the way to the end – not because of the horrible cinematography, but because of the stupid way that Boll has bookended it with a documentary. All the people talking are German high school students. At no point do you get an opinion that is informed firsthand, or even really matters. I think Uwe will be in line for another Razzie; one can only hope that he sweeps the awards.
-by Josh Sanchez
